Alucard and the Xbox
by Metropolis Kid
Summary: I'm not really sure how to summarize this one. It's pretty much what the title says. Alucard buys an Xbox, and he and Seras deal with the resulting issues and play a few games. Please Read and Review. Thanks. Use to be called Alucard's new obsession.
1. Alucard Buys an Xbox

**Alucard Buys an Xbox.**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

Alucard walked the, all but deserted, streets of another town that had been besieged by undead. He had already dealt with the vampire 'faker' and had moved on to finishing off the ghouls. Although the night was almost pitch black, he was having no problems exterminating the vermin. The vampire yawned as he reached his arm behind his back and blew the head off of another ghoul. Then he turned a corner to see something that seemed very out of place.

There was a store that still had its lights on; and what was even more shocking was the fact that Alucard could sense a human presence inside the store. The No-Life King scratched his head. Nearly all of the town's population had been evacuated, and those who hadn't gotten out had all been turned to ghouls... or so he'd believed. Yet, he still sensed a human presence within the store. The vampire's innate curiosity got the better of him, and he walked over to the store.

Alucard reached the store and was surprised to find it unlocked. He walked in only to have the human pop out from behind the counter and shove a sawed off shotgun in his face, and the ancient vampire's expression quickly changed from surprise to annoyance as he stared at the weak thing that was THOUGHT is was threatening him. "Well, if you're going to pull the trigger, best get on with it. You're beginning to boar me."

The human eyed Alucard for a moment then lowered his weapon. "Sorry, I heard you enter and thought you were another zombie."

"Another zombie?" Alucard asked, mildly curious.

The man pointed to a door behind him. "Yeah, I've already blasted eleven of them. Was hoping you'd even it out to a nice dozen."

Alucard used his third eye to peak inside of the locked room. He saw a stack of headless ghouls lying on the floor within. Their bodies hadn't turned to dust, and the ghouls were still technically alive, but they couldn't do much without their heads. So they just laid there, twitching. And, the No-Life King felt a small amount of respect for the man. He was still weak, to be sure. But, he'd beaten eleven ghouls; and, for a normal (non-Hellsing) human, that wasn't half bad.

Alucard became slightly curious about the man. At least he was proving more entertaining than the street sweeping the vampire had been doing a few moments before. "What are you still doing here? This town was evacuated."

"Yeah, I know. But there was no way I was going to just up and abandon my store to a bunch of zombies. I worked too hard to save up the money to open it."

"But weren't you worried that the 'zombies' would eat you or turn you into one of them?"

"Mac, I grew up in Raccoon City. It'll take a lot more than a bunch of zombies to scare me away."

Alucard scratched his head again, trying to figure out how growing up in a city named after a small woodland creature would desensitize someone to an undead infestation. Finally, he just shrugged and chalked it up to one more thing he didn't understand about humans.

The man asked, "But just what are you doing walking the streets?"

Alucard grinned, "Why, I'm the vampire charged with exterminating the 'zombies', of course."

The man chuckled. "Yeah, vampire. R-i-g-h-t. Fine, don't tell me what you're up to. But I did notice that you're carrying an awfully big gun. You like to shoot things?"

"Actually I prefer to rip them apart and feast on their blood. But shooting's okay too."

The man laughed. "Man, aren't you a bloodthirsty one? Tell you what, I've got just the game for you."

"Game?"

"Yes, that's what I sell here. Didn't you read the sign." The man pointed to the far wall were a bright red "Gamestop" sign hung. "I figure that, while I'm here, I mine as well try to do some business. You're the first customer I've had all night. Tell me, do you have an Xbox?"

"A what?"

"I'll take that as a no. Stay here. I'll be right back."

The man walked out from behind the counter and went into the back room. Alucard heard him discharge a round, from his shotgun, into the decapitated ghoul that grabbed one of his legs. A couple of minutes later, the man came out carrying a moderately sized, cube shaped, cardboard box and a small DVD sized box. He walked back behind the counter and set both down. "Here we go. One Xbox 360 and one copy of Halo 3."

"Halo 3?"

"Oh, trust me. You'll love it. It's all about this incredible warrior who runs around killing aliens and Flood."

"He kills water?"

"What?" The man chuckled again. "No. No. Flood. They're kind of like zombies. Anyway he runs around killing them, trying to get back this lady who keeps bossing him around from inside his head. Once in awhile, there's even some normal humans around to help him out."

Alucard eyed the man, suspiciously. "This sounds like a very bizarre movie."

"It's not a movie. It's a video game."

"A what?"

It was the man's turn to eye Alucard suspiciously. "Oh, come on. You must have heard of video games before. Where have you been for the last twenty years?"

"Locked in a dungeon cell, actually."

"Oh, fine. I'll play along. A video game is interactive entertainment. **You** **are** the incredible warrior running around, blowing things' heads off."

It was then that Alucard became somewhat interested in this... this 'video game'. Anything that let him blow things' heads off was, at least mildly, interesting. "You don't say. So I take this stuff home with me, and I can blow the heads off of these aliens and 'Flood' whenever I want?"

"That's right. You can go on a rampage anytime you want. And if you like the single player, just wait until you try the multi-player. Hundred's of thousands of real life people from all around the world, just waiting for you. You all go online and try to kill each other as many times as possible. The guy who racks up the most kills in each match wins. They even rank your progress so you can see how good you are compared to the other players."

"Really? What will you humans think of next?"

The man ignored the question and continued in his sales pitch. "And you don't just blow their heads off either. You can beat them down. Lunge at them with energy swords. Blow them up with grenades, rockets and explosives. Even splat them with vehicles."

Alucard's mouth was starting to salivate as he imagined himself doing each of the things that the human was describing. This 'Halo 3' sounded like an excellent way to kill time between missions. "How much?"

"Well, because you'll be needing the system too. It'll be a little expensive. Five hundred for the set."

Alucard's face dropped. Hellsing didn't actually pay him, so the only money he had was what he could lift from his victims. And the last 'faker' only had about three hundred and fifty dollars. "My, my. That's a lot of money."

The man could sense his chance, at making a sale, slipping away. "Tell you what. We can go preowned and knock the price down to around three hundred. The stuff will've already been used by other people, but it's guarantied to work. And if you go preowned and don't like the game, for any reason, you can return it within ten days and pick a different one."

"Hmmm?" Alucard stroked his chin for a moment. He wasn't too crazy about the idea of taking something that someone else had already broken in. As a vampire master, Alucard had a thing for 'virgin' possessions.

"Come on. Hundreds of thousands of victims, just waiting for you to kill them. Are you really going to walk away from that?"

That did it. Alucard reached into his pocket, pulled out the cash from the last 'faker' and handed it to the man. "I'll take it."

(I know I said, I'd do whatever got the most votes as my next Hellsing fic. But I was talking about my next good sized fic. I've got a second chapter planed out and maybe, could even, do a third. But that'd be it for this story. I'm not writing this as a big multi-chapter, tens of thousands of words, fic. I was just bored and decided to kill some time, the same way I did with Crossovers Can Drive You Crazy.

Well, what did you think? Should I do another chapter, leave this a One-Shot, or just delete it because it's too far fetched? Please review and let me know. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	2. Never as Simple as You Think

**Never as Simple as You Think.**

**AN: **Okay, this chapter is almost completely different from what I was intending. But I realized that Alucard would likely have no idea how to hook his new Xbox 360 up. So, anyway, here it is, chapter two.

Sears was in a very strange place. White boxes with red glowing centers were chasing her around, ghouls made out of water kept lunging at her with Lightsabers, and Integra's voice was inside of her head, ordering her around. Finally this giant blue circle with a stylized three in the center trapped her, and she heard a voice say, "Come on. Hundreds of thousands of victims, just waiting for you to kill them. Are you really going to walk away from that?"

Seras screamed and woke up in a cold sweat. She took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself down. _Just a dream. Get a hold of yourself, girl. It was just a dream. But when the heck, did my dreams get so... demented? _Then the fledgling heard her master swearing in his room, and, suddenly, it all made sense. _Oh, great. Master's having a nervous breakdown again. That explains the nightmare. Psychic bleed through. _Seras sighed and raised the lid off of her coffin/bed. She got out and put on her robe.

The fledgling knew, that until her master calmed down, it would be impossible for her to get a decent day's sleep. So she summoned up her courage and headed for his cell. She hoped that, whatever the problem was, she could find someway to calm her master and then go back to bed.

Seras reached Alucard's door and knocked. She wouldn't dare just barge in on her master while he was in one of his insane 'I want to kill and suck the blood out of something' moods. He'd already done that to her once and it was not an experience she was crazy about reliving.

After a couple of knocks, the fledgling heard her master growl, "Come in, and stop that incessant knocking. I'm trying to think here." Seras slowly opened up the door and found her master staring at one of the boxes from her nightmare. He was holding a bunch of wires in his hand and had an utterly confused expression on his face.

"Master, what are you doing?"

"Some guy sold me this and said I could use it to kill people. But all it does is sit there, with its red light, mocking me."

Seras looked over to the side and saw a box that said "Xbox 360 video game consul" in the corner. She turned back to her master. "Master, that's a video game. You can't use it to actually kill people. Well, not unless you were to bash them over the head with it. It's just simulated death."

Alucard flashed his fledgling a very put out expression. "Police Girl, just how stupid do you think I am? I know this isn't a weapon. I'm not trying to figure out how to shoot it or make it explode. I'm just trying to figure out how to play this blasted game!" And with that, Alucard flung the game box at his fledgling.

Seras caught the box and looked at the cover. There was the circle with the three that had trapped her. "Well, Master, if you want to play this, you're going to have to hook up the wires you're holding."

Alucard's voice took on a calm tone. "Really, why didn't I think of that? Hook up the wires. Now it all makes sense." Then his voice suddenly shifted. "I've been trying to do that for the last half hour! But there's no place on this F'n box to plug the other end of the F'n wires into!"

Seras let out a sigh and did the best she could to control her temper. She really did try to be a 'good fledgling', and good fledglings did not shout at their masters. Still her voice was a little strained as it came through. "That's because you're not suppose to plug both ends of the wires into the video game system. One end goes into the TV."

"TV?" Alucard's face took on a puzzled expression. He knew that you needed a TV to watch movies, but the guy who'd sold him the Xbox hadn't said anything about needing a TV to play the game.

"Yes, a TV. It's a device that shows a series of pictures faster than the eye can process so it looks like a moving..."

"I know what a TV is!"

"Oh, well how was I suppose to know? You spend all your time either in here or out shooting at stuff. I figured it was possible that you didn't."

Alucard growled. "I know what a TV is, but the guy who sold me this didn't say anything about needing one."

"Well, where did you think the 'video' part of video game came from?"

"I don't know. Wall projector built into the back of the unit, or maybe a holographic display from that red light? Humans have come up with so many things over the last century."

"A holographic display from the red light?"

Alucard sighed. "Just go find me a TV so I can make this blasted thing work." Seras turned around and started to walk away; and, as she left, Alucard called out after her. "And stop that giggling! This is not funny."

The fledgling scoured the mansion questing for the object that would appease her angry and frustrated master. There was a rather nice forty-two inch LCD TV in the mansion's main room, but Seras dared not remove it. She was afraid Integra would really let into her if she came down to find her television missing. So, instead, the former bobby searched for something else she could hook up to her master's 360 (to take care of his display problem).

Forty-five minutes later, Seras returned to her master with a couple of speakers from an (old stereo system) and the wall projector that Walter used to show the new Hellsing recruits antiquated training and hygiene films. The girl figured that the butler wouldn't miss the thing until the next recruiting drive.

Alucard saw his fledgling reentering his cell, her hands full of what was certainly not a television set. She walked over and set the items down next to his new Xbox 360. "Police Girl, what do you think you're doing? I told you to get me a TV, not a bunch of random junk."

Seras looked up from the back of the 360 and replied, "And where, exactly, did you expect me to get the TV? Rob Sir Integra? No thanks. Maybe you actually get some sick kick out of it when she blows your head off, but I'm rather attached to mine." She plugged one of the audio wires into one of the speakers from the old stereo system.

"Seras?" Alucard warned.

After plugging in the other audio wire, the fledgling took another deep breath and, again, tried to calm herself. "Sorry, Master. But I'm not a miracle worker. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, and... and it wouldn't kill you to show a little gratitude. I'd much rather be in bed right now."

"Is that an offer?"

It took a moment but, after plugging the video wire into the projector, Seras picked up on her master's meaning. "Master! You... You are impossible."

However, her statement (and her master's 'offer') seemed forgotten as she turned on the Xbox 360 and the projector; and the No-Life King was finally greeted by sound and video from his newest toy. "Alright, now to get to the part where I blow thing's head's off." Alucard spoke with a small amount of anticipation and glee.

"I assume that means you can take it from here?"

"Yes, of course I can take it from here. I've seen Integra use the DVD enough to figure out how to put the game in." Alucard growled at his fledgling. He opened the front disk tray and inserted the Halo 3 game disk. Then he pushed on the tray, and it closed. "See? Simple. What more could there be?"

Seras sighed and started to walk away. "Yes, Master. Have fun."

As Alucard waited for the game to load, he (almost absently) asked, "By the way, how did you get so good at hooking up video games?"

Seras stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. Was... was that a compliment? Form **him**? "I... I had an old Nintendo back before... before I joined Hellsing."

"Nintendo?" Alucard asked without taking his eyes from the wall projection.

"It's a very old video game system."

"So, you've played these things before?"

"Well, not really. The stuff these days is much more advanced than Castlevania."

"Castlevania?"

"It's an old game where you run around trying to defeat Dracula."

At this, Alucard actually turned to face his fledgling. "Really?"

Seras wasn't quite sure how to interpret the look on her master's face; so, not knowing anything better to do, she simply continued, "Yeah, you play as a guy with a vampire slaying whip and run around taking out Dracula's evil horde until you get to face the ancient vampire himself. There are also different allies you can use in each game and..." Seras's voice trailed off as she remembered one of the allies from the third game. "Including one who's Dracula's son." And, small smile spread across the fledgling's face as she coyly continued, "Tell me, Master, do you know what the son's name was?"

"Now, Police Girl, use your head. I've never heard of the game before. How could I possibly know what they chose to name this fictitious son of Dracula?"

"Well, I just thought you might since you've got the same name. The son was named Alucard!" She said the last sentence as if she'd finally solved some great riddle.

Alucard sighed at his overjoyed fledgling. "Seras, I am most definitely not Dracula's son. For one thing, vampires cannot produce offspring."

Seras calmed back down. "Oh, really? I didn't know that. Still, that name is a mighty big coincidence."

"Not really. Alucard is just Dracula spelled backwards. Whoever made this 'Castlevania' was not the first to use the name, and I doubt he'll be the last."

Seras offered up a meek, "Oh." And, Alucard turned back to the wall. His fledgling continued, "Well, I guess I should be getting back to bed." She rubbed the back of her neck then turned around and started to walk away again.

As Seras neared the Alucard's chamber door, the No-Life King reached to screen where they asked him how many players. He called after his departing fledgling. "Hey?" She turned again and he continued, "want to play a game?"

(Well, there you go. Please let me know what you thought of the second chapter. Thanks. As I said, it turned out quite differently than I was expecting. I'd appreciate your input.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	3. Return to Gamestop

**Return to Gamestop.**

**AN:** Okay, I did a third chapter. Alucard returns to the store and, this time, he brings Seras along. I might possibly do one more chapter if anyone's still interested in this. I've got an idea for a final chapter that actually covers Alucard and Seras's first online game. But that would be it.

It was night, two weeks after Alucard's purchase, when he returned to the store. This time Seras accompanied him. She did so in a rather futile attempt to keep him from going crazy and slaughtering everyone in the store. Yes, her master was angry, very angry. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy his game. He'd had a lot of fun killing the various creatures throughout the campaign mode, and Seras had even enjoyed playing alongside him. The two of them had not only beaten the game on Normal difficulty, but Heroic and Legendary as well. No, Alucard was not at all upset about the campaign experience, even if his lack of knowledge of the first two games did occasionally make following the third's story difficult. No, the problem was the multi-player that the store owner had promised him.

Alucard growled as he remembered the sales pitch. "Hundreds of thousands of victims, just waiting for you to kill them." _Hundreds of thousands indeed. Every time I try to play the multi-player something pops up and says that it failed to connect to Xbox Live. What the heck is an Xbox Live, anyway? Even Police Girl didn't know. Well, I'm going to teach that man a lesson. No one rips off the No Life King and gets away with it. I wonder what he'll taste like?_

_Now, Master, remember your temper. If you just start eating London's citizens, Sir Integra's not going to be pleased. Let's give him a chance to explain. Maybe we did something wrong._

_Like what? You hooked everything up yourself, and we've played through the campaign three times. Everything works fine. It's just the multi-player that won't work. What could WE have possibly done wrong?_

The two reached the store, and Alucard flung the door's open without even bothering to touch them. Seras again tried to calm her master. _I don't know; but let's, at least, give him an opportunity to explain before you start sucking down his blood. Sir Integra..._

The fledgling's thoughts was interrupted by her master. _Yes! I know all about my master's restrictions. Fine, I'll give the weakling human a chance to explain._ Seras breathed a sigh of relief, but then Alucard continued, _And then I'll eat him._

Seras mentally groaned. _Master, you are impossible._

Alucard walked up to the counter. He gave the employee behind it a look that made the human quiver in fear. In a low, almost hushed voice Alucard asked, "Where is the owner?"

The employee suddenly felt very small under the large vampire's gaze. The human fiddled with his collar as he replied, "I'll... I'll go get him. You... You just wait here, okay."

"Make it fast."

"Ye... Yes, Si... Sir." And with that, the employee practically tripped over his own feet as he ran off to get the owner.

Less than a minute later, the man who had sold Alucard the Xbox emerged from the back room. Despite the reaction of his employee, the man seemed to be in a jolly mood when he spotted his previous customer. "Ah, Big Red. Good to see you again!" The man walked over and patted Alucard on the back. Seras closed her eyes. She half expected her master to rip the man's arm off and swallow it whole. And that was a sight that she could do without witnessing. The oblivious human continued, "Tell me, what brings you back to my humble shop? Are you enjoying the game?"

Alucard kept his tone neutral. "You said that I could go online and kill hundreds of thousands of people."

The man gave Alucard a slightly confused expression. He couldn't understand why his customer was reminding him of what he'd said. "Yes, that's right."

Alucard's voice dropped into a low growl. "I don't like it when people lie to me. I like it even less when they try to rip me off."

The man's eyes went wide as he finally began to understand the predicament he was in, and Alucard's hand slipped inside of his cote and gripped his Jackal. The man's hands went up in a placating manor. "Woe, Mac, hold on a minute. I didn't lie to you, and I certainly didn't try to rip you off."

The gun came out and was pointed at the owner's head as Alucard replied, "Then why can't I play the multi-player?"

Alucard had to give the man some credit. He wasn't begging for his life yet. In fact, the store owner's expression looked more akin to confusion than fear. The man was either in a state of shock, an obvious idiot or simply didn't care too much whether he lived or died, and the vampire wasn't sure which of these possibilities was the most likely. Maybe it was a mixture of the three? In any case, the man's reaction was just unexpected enough to persuade Alucard to listen to the store owner's next words, instead of simply pulling the trigger. "I... I don't know. Do you have high speed Internet?"

Alucard looked over the gun's barrel. "What?"

Seras answered, "Yes, Sir Integra has it."

The man's gaze shifted over to the beautiful strawberry blonde. He hadn't noticed her before, but now... Well, he couldn't help a "Wow!" from escaping his lips. Then the man shook his head and tried to remember what was going on._ Oh, yes. Angry customer has a really big gun pointed at my head. Focus. Focus._ "Did you connect the Xbox to the router?"

"Ah, no."

Through a supreme force of will, the man diverted his eyes away from the beautiful figure and back to the angry customer. "Well, that's your problem. Simply connect the system to the router and you'll be good to go."

Alucard lowered his gun. The man seemed genuine; and if he was telling the truth, then killing him wasn't really worth the hassle Alucard would get from Sir Integra upon returning to the mansion. If, on the other hand, the man was lying; it would be a simple matter to return later and blow his head off.

Placated, Alucard began to head towards the door. "Come on, Police Girl, we'll go try hooking up the Xbox to this router... thing." Th No-Life King turned to look back at the owner. "If it doesn't work, we'll be back." And then, the ancient vampire turned and resumed walking away.

Alucard was halfway to the door before Seras thought of something that stopped him dead in his tracks. "Master, wait a minute. Won't Sir Integra be upset by a long cord running from her office down to the basement?"

The No-Life King turned back around. Yes, that did sound like something that his master would take offense at. He looked back at the owner. "Anyway to hook the Xbox up to the router thing without using a cord?"

The man opened his mouth and started to reply, "Oh, of course..." But then he stopped himself as he thought and decided to ask a question before assuring the big red guy, with the very large gun, that he had something that would solve the problem. "This Integra..."

"Sir, Integra." Alucard somewhat threateningly corrected.

The man tilted his head slightly. "My apologies. Does this Sir Integra have a wireless router."

Alucard had no idea what a router was, much less a wireless one and whether or not his master's was one. The elder vampire looked over to his young fledgling. "Well?"

Seras locked eyes with her master and just stood there, motionless, for a moment. Her mind began to drift away. Oh, how she hated those eyes and the effect they had on her. She could only manage a wistful, "Well, what?"

Meanwhile, Alucard started to get upset. His fledgling's concentration was wandering again, and he hated it when that happened. And what was even worse was that he didn't understand WHY it happened either. One moment she'd be fine, then the next she'd just space out. In an attempt to understand why she did that, Alucard once read her mind while she was having one of her 'moments'. He'd never make that mistake again. All he'd gotten was elevator music, images of puffy clouds and a picture of himself riding a white horse towards her. So, he'd broken the connection before he'd had a chance to see anything else and simply concluded that his fledgling suffered from minor and temporary fits of dementia.

Alucard not quite shouted, "Well, answer the man's question!"

Seras shook her head. Her master's yelling had been enough to break her out of the trance. Now she just had to remember what was going on in the real world. "Right, Master. Uh... What was the question again?"

Alucard sighed. _Out of all the virgins in all the world, why did I have to get stuck with an absent minded fledgling? _"He asked if the router is wireless."

"Oh, yes. Right. Well, my laptop can get an Internet connection. So I guess it must be."

The store owner rubbed his hands together. "Good. Then I've got something that'll fix you right up. Follow me." Alucard followed the man to one of the store's corners.

While her master went off with the store's owner, Seras just waited by the counter. Then she overheard a couple of sentences that caught her attention. "Dude, I am so sick of being a vampire. At first I thought it would be cool, child of the night and all that, but that stupid being burned by sunlight thing and the vulnerability to fire are really getting old." Now, Seras wasn't intentionally trying to eves drop on the other customer's conversation, but she couldn't just let something like that go by. She carefully, so as not to attract attention, scooted a couple of feet nearer to the two talking teens.

"Would you stop complaining already. Look if you don't want to be a vampire anymore, just cure it."

"You can't cure it. I've tried every potion I can find or make. Nothing works."

Seras couldn't believe how open the two were being about vampires. Clearly they had no ties to Hellsing or its enemies. Though, to be fair, no one was that close to them. They were standing in the store's far corner. Seras was the closest, and she doubted that she'd have been able to make out what they were saying without her enhanced vampire senses.

The other teen chuckled. "You are such a noob. Just go to the count in Skingrad. He'll direct you to a woman that use to be a witch. Bring her five empty grand soul gems, and she'll agree to make the cure for you. Then all you've got to do is gather some garlic, bloodgrass, nightshade, Argonian blood and vampire ashes. Bring the ingredients to the ex-witch, and she'll mix you a potion that'll fix you right up."

"And that'll really work?"

The other teen grinned. "Trust me, I use to be a vampire too. Got infected while freelancing for the Order of Virtuous Blood. Vampire hunting has its dangers you know."

Seras scooted back over to the counter. She had no interest in getting too close to a professional vampire hunter, even if he was a freelancer. She did, however, make sure to memorize the man's instructions. If there was a cure, for vampirism, out there, she intended to have it.

While Seras was memorizing the ingredients to the supposed vampire cure, Alucard was looking at an accessory the store owner had handed him. "And this will let me play the multi-player?"

"Yes, as long as you have wireless high speed Internet and an Xbox Live Gold Account." This time the owner wasn't taking any chances. He was making sure he explained everything that would be needed.

"Xbox Live Gold Account?"

"Oh don't worry about that. You can set one up right through the Xbox. Of course, after the first month, you'll have to pay a little extra for the service. But trust me, it's worth it."

"How much extra?"

"Well, that depends on how you choose to pay. If you pay by the month, it's something like eight bucks per month. However, if you go to a store, you can by a one year card for only fifty. Your choice."

"I see. So first, I needed the system. Then I needed this wireless adapter, and now I need to buy cards. All this to play one game!"

The owner could tell that Alucard was getting upset again. "Well, no. Not just to play one game. There are hundreds of others that'll work with the same stuff. But I do feel a little guilty for assuming that you already knew about all this. Since you said you didn't know what an Xbox was, I guess I should of figured that you wouldn't know about the rest either. Tell you what, I don't normally do this, but once you buy the wireless adapter and get everything ready; I'll add a month to how long you can have to try everything out. So when your free subscription runs out, if you don't think it's worth the cost, just bring everything back to the store; and I'll give you a full refund." Alucard just eyed the store owner. He continued, "Think about it. If it's not worth it, you won't have lost one cent, and you'll still have gotten to play for a month."

Alucard reached into his pocket and pulled out his gun again, and the store owner saw his life begin to flash before his eyes. But then the No-Life King simply ejected the ammo clip. Smoke rose from the vampire's hand as he removed two of his bullets and handed them over to the owner. The man just stared at Alucard for a moment, and the vampire's face pulled into a sort of feral grin. "Do you accept silver?"

(Well, what did you think? Are you still enjoying this? Should I do one last chapter? Please Review and let me know. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)

(To Dizzy: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you enjoyed the humor and thought the story was "really fun so far". I'm sorry that the title and description turned you off. I've really had a had time whit those myself. I've changed the name of this fic something like five times since I first started writing it. And as for the summary: Well, I just couldn't think of any better way to summaries this one. Yes, Seras was kind of close with her guess, wasn't she? Ha. Ha. But not close enough.

To Hanna: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you're enjoying this and think it's an "Insanely awesome fanfic." LoL. I hope you liked this chapter just as much.)


	4. The Vampire Cure

**The Vampire Cure.**

**AN: **To KawaiiKittyChan and any other Seras fans that I may have offended. I do apologize. I'm not trying to make Seras look dumb, just naive. I do have her doing some rather bizarre things to secure the supposed vampire cure in this chapter. However, I've tried to keep her from looking stupid. Although she still doesn't know that the recipe was from a video game, I have her doing quite a bit of research into the ingredients. Anyway, I do hope she now comes across as naive and determined rather than dumb.

**Prologue:**

Alucard was not happy. Seras was late. Since she'd first hooked up her his Xbox 360, the two of them had set the last couple of hours before sunrise aside to play together. At first, they'd played through the campaign. Then, after actually managing to set up their Xbox Live accounts, the two played online. But, tonight Seras hadn't shown. After a half hour of waiting, Alucard's limited patience had reached its end. So, with a frustrated grunt, the ancient vampire rose from his seat and went to find out just what was keeping his fledgling.

Alucard didn't bother to open his door. Instead he just phased through it. He walked the short distance to his fledgling's room and stopped outside the door. His hand reached up. Then it came back down, and the vampire shook his head._ Knocking, Alucard, really? What am I thinking? Just who's the master here, anyway?_

Rather than a polite knock, Alucard just stuck his head through the door and looked around. _Bunsen burners? __Mortar? Pestle? __Retort? __Calcinator? __Alembic? Since when did Police Girl become an Alchemy nut?_ It was then that the No-Life King heard a faint moaning sound. He recognized the voice as that of his fledgling and stepped inside.

The ancient vampire found his young fledgling lying behind her table. He reached down, lifted her head and looked into her eyes. The pupils were so dilated that the eyes looked black. "Oh, Police Girl, what have you done?"

"I was trying to cure my vamperism."

"You were what? What were you thinking!"

Seras pouted and, in an innocent voice, replied, "I don't want to be a monster."

"Of all the... Would you rather be dead? 'Cause you look about halfway there now."

"Sorry, Master."

Alucard sighed; but, after a moment, he scooped up his fledgling and brought her over to her coffin. He laid her down inside. "Just get some sleep."

Seras looked up at her master. "Aren't you going to punish me?"

"No." Alucard turned away from her and looked at the table. "Whatever potion you mixed up has messed you up pretty badly. I think you've already learned your lesson."

Seras giggled, and Alucard turned back to her. The fledgling pointed at her master's fedora. "Funny hat."

Alucard shook his head and sighed again. He began to close the lid of Seras's coffin. In an almost kind voice he replied, "Yes, funny hat. Now you just get some rest and try to sleep off... whatever it is tha-"

Alucard's voice was cut off as Seras quickly leaned forward and caught him in a passionate kiss. She pulled back before her master completely recovered from his surprise. "Thanks, Master."

Alucard grunted. He finished closing the coffin lid, then turned and started to walk away. Before stepping back through the door, he turned back to look at the closed coffin and whispered, "Anytime... Seras"

**Early the next night:**

Seras was pouring her failed 'vampire cure' attempt down the drain. She'd had a terrible time trying to figure out what the freelancer was talking about. No matter how hard the fledgling tried, she was unable to find any record of a place currently, or once, called Skingrad. This made it impossible for her to talk to its Count and find the ex-witch who knew how to mix the cure. However, Seras was a very driven individual, and she already knew the ingredients. So, she'd decided that she'd just figure out the recipe herself. Of course, even that was more difficult than she thought it would be.

The garlic and vampire ash had been relatively easy to gather. Seras just collected some vampire ash from one of the fakers her and her master were sent to deal with. The garlic was a bit more of a pain, though it was easy to procure. She just picked some up at the local supermarket, which it sounds simple enough. Unfortunately, the reason that several myths contained accounts of people scaring off a vampire with garlic was because the creatures were terribly allergic to it. After picking up the garlic, Seras had a horrible rash, on her arm, for the next three days. Needless to say, she was very careful to only use an extremely small amount of garlic in her cure attempt.

Although, Seras wasn't allergic to either the bloodgrass or nightshade, they presented their own problems. The freelancer, for some reason, had not used the proper names for the plants. It had taken two days of searching through the botany books in Integra's library, before Seras finally discovered that the Solanaceae plant family's name was derived from the Latin word "Solanum", which roughly translated to "the nightshade plant". Why the stupid freelancer felt the need to call it nightshade instead of Solanaceae, Seras didn't know. Although, she had to admit that nightshade was a bit easier on the tongue.

It took her another four days to discover just what, the bloody hell, bloodgrass was. Apparently it was an obscure slang term for Imperata Cylindrica. Imperata Cylindrica was a rhizomatous grass native to east and southeast Asia, India, Micronesia and Australia. It was basically a weed. So, once Seras knew the proper name for it, procurement was a piece of cake.

The most elusive ingredient had been the Argonian blood. She'd searched and searched but was unable to find any mention of Argonians in any of Integra's books. The local library wasn't much help either. Finally, driven by desperation, Seras began to search through maps for any place that sounded close to the name. She knew that people where often named after the place they lived in. English people came from England, French from France and so on. After a week of searching, Seras finally found out that there was a small town in Alabama called "Argo". Upon discovering this, she had Walter requisition all transfusion blood donated by anyone living in Argo.

As the thick green liquid flowed down the drain, Seras couldn't help but mentally kick herself. _All that work and all I succeeded in making was a potion that made me light headed and trashed my motor skills._ _A couple of minutes after drinking it I got dizzy, stumbled around like a drunk and collapsed behind my table._ Now that Seras thought about it, she wondered just how she ended up in her coffin. Most of what happened after she drank the potion was still fuzzy, but she couldn't remember staggering, or even crawling over to her coffin. It was then that a memory flashed in the young fledgling's head. Suddenly she saw her master leaning over her. _Oh great, if he found out what I was trying to do he'd kill me..._ _again_.

More memories came, memories of him carrying her to her coffin, gently closing the lid and then... Seras dropped the test tube as an image of herself kissing her master floated before her eyes. _No? No. No! What did I do? Oh! That stupid potion must have royally screwed up my sense of judgment too._

Seras rushed from her room and was already standing in front of her master's door before she was able to calm down enough to compose herself. _Get a grip girl, and think before you make things worse!_ She took a deep breath and let it out. She couldn't quite get up the courage to knock, so instead she just slowly and ever so carefully opened the door to peak inside.

The fledgling actually hoped her master wasn't there. She didn't really want to talk to him; but, somehow, she felt like she had to. Unfortunately, as Seras peaked inside, the door was suddenly pulled from her grasp, and as she looked up, she saw see her master glaring down at her. "Did you really believe that you could get this close to me and remain undetected. I sensed you as soon as you touched my door handle. This is **my** **lair**, remember?"

"No, Master. I... I mean yes, Master."

"Well, which is it, Police Girl?"

"I... I'm sorry for disturbing you. It's just... You see... We, we need to talk."

"Do we, now? Then you'd better come in and have a seat. It's far more dignified than trying to spy on your master, don't you think?"

"Yes, Master." Seras followed Alucard into his 'lair' and sat down.

"Now, what is it that we 'need' to talk about."

"Well, it's about last night."

Alucard's face took on an annoyed expression. "Why are you bothering me about that. I already told you I wasn't going to punish you. Just don't be foolish enough to try to 'cure' yourself again."

_He knows? He knows and he's not going to kill me? Well, at least, that's one less thing I have to worry about._ "Yes, Master. Thank you, and don't worry. After last night, I'm never going to try that again." Seras let out a nervous chuckle, and her and Alucard just stared at each other for a moment.

Then Alucard, rather abruptly, asked, "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Well, is that all!"

"Um..."

The No-Life King calmed back down, and a knowing grin spread across his face. "Oh, wait a minute. This is about that little kiss, isn't it?" Seras blushed slightly, and her master broke out laughing. "Of all the... Police Girl, you really shouldn't take things so seriously. Don't worry about that. You were drunk... or something. High off of whatever potion you'd mixed up to 'cure' yourself. Just forget about it."

"Yes, Master. Thank you, Master." Seras could hardly believe it. Her master could've used that kiss to tease and torment her for months, perhaps longer, and she'd fully expected him to do just that. Instead, showing uncharacteristic generosity, he was letting her off the hook. She felt so relieved. However, she also felt slightly... disappointed(?). Although, she certianly wasn't disappointed enough to look the gift horse in his mouth.

Seras stood up and started to walk away, but then her master's voice stopped her. "Police Girl, where do you think you are going?"

_Oh, great. I knew it was too good to be true._ Seras clenched her jaw and turned back around. _Here it comes, _she thought but was surprised to see her master simply holding up an Xbox 360 controller.

"You still owe me a game, remember?"

(Okay**, **sorry about postponing the game play for another chapter. It just took me too long to deal with the cure. I apologize, but everything is setup and taken care of now. So, if I do one more chapter, I promise that it will cover Seras, her master and some other Hellsing characters actually playing online. LoL. Once again, sorry about the delay. Sometimes a chapter just gets away from you, you know?

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)

(To mint leafs: Thanks for the review. I'm glad to you that you enjoyed the last chapter. I hope you liked this one, as well. I know you're not a big SerasxAlucard fan. But that's just how this story developed. Anyway, I hope you still enjoyed the last chapter. And don't worry about not updating your stories too often. This sight is suppose to be for fun, not work. LoL. Just update when you can. Your readers will understand. Or, at least, they should. :)

PS. Happy Birthday!

To night: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked the silver bullet currency and the story. As you can see, I did write more. I hope you enjoyed it.

To Hanna: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that this has been able to make you laugh. I hope you continue to enjoy it. You might also get a kick out of some of my other fics. I have a number of other Hellsing humor ones.

Raven Majestrix: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you liked the first chapter. I hope you enjoy the rest.


	5. Red vs Blue: Hellsing Edition

**Red vs. Blue: Hellsing Edition**

**AN:** Okay, I finally got around to the actual game play, and that's pretty much all this is. There's no real story line to this chapter, no character development. Just Alucard and his fledgling playing a game of Halo... with a few other Hellsing characters. Sorry to anyone who was expecting another chapter like the previous four, but I just needed a chapter of Game play. After all, the title is Alucard and the Xbox. LoL. So read on if you're interested in a no-plot but, hopefully, humorous and entertaining account of Alucard and Seras in a multi-player Slayer match. If you're not interested, don't read. But please don't flame, for you have been warned. Thanks.

Alucard grumbled while watching the 'searching for game' screen. "This is ridiculous."

"Now, Master, calm down. I'm sure we'll get a game. It's just taking them a little while to pair us up." Seras responded, hopefully.

"Get a game? Police Girl, it says that it's already found eight possible matches. Why doesn't it just stick us in one of those? Honestly, I will never understand why humans have to make thing so..." Alucard stopped talking as his Xbox 360 finally started to load a game. Normally, the No-Life King and his fledgling played Double Team. However, the Halo 3 had just started requiring the players to have purchased and downloaded extra maps for that game type.

Unfortunately, neither Alucard nor his fledgling knew how to purchase or download the extra maps. Alucard had decided to Gamestop later and 'talk' to the owner. So, far that particular human had been rather useful, and Alucard hoped that he would continue to be. If not, well... Alucard would see to it that he was a **real** pain in the guy's neck.

But Alucard's third encounter with the Gamestop owner would have to wait, for the No-Life King had already been forced to postpone his game because of his fledgling's rather foolish attempt to 'cure' herself, and he would not be denied his virtual bloodshed any longer. That was why the Vampire Elder and his fledgling were waiting to see just what poor, unfortunate souls they would be playing with.

A second later, the party got flushed out, and Alucard saw the other player's gamertags. Apparently Alucard and Seras (IMPaler and PoliceGirl117) would be on the Blue Team, along with Dust2DustAmen. Versing them, on the Red Team, would be: MaxMajor, Der Kaspar and Catboy;3.

Seras put on her mike. Alucard fiddled with his own. He'd never used the thing before, not needing it to communicate with teammates when it was just him and the 'Police Girl'. Seras sighed, reached over and helped her Master position his mike. Instead of a thank you, the helpful fledgling was rewarded with a half growl. "I could've done it myself."

Seras turned back to the screen, so her master wouldn't see her role her eyes, as she replied. "Of course, Master."

Alucard didn't bother to reply to his fledgling's borderline insubordinate statement. In fact, he didn't even hear it. As soon as the No-Life King had turned on his headset, his ears had been assaulted by a screaming match between Dust2DustAmen and the member's of Red Team.

"Where do ye get off say'n God tis dead?" Dust2Dust shouted.

"I didn't say God was dead. Friedrich Nietzsche said it!" MaxMajor replied.

"Ja, der Major was only repeating der philosopher's words." Der Kaspar added.

"Bah, ye all be heathen trash! By de power of God, I'll strike ye all down!" Dust2Dust responded.

Alucard thought he recognized Dust2DustAmen's voice and cut in, "Judas Priest, is that you?"

"Demon?"

"It is you." Alucard grinned. "Well, well, well. Mister Anderson, welcome to the vampire team." Then Alucard broke out into a fit of laughter.

Anderson shouted, "Noooo!" as the map began loading

Both teams were dumped into 'The Pit'. Anderson started to demand that Alucard back out of the game. "I'll not be playing ith ye, ye demon! Quit!"

Alucard smiled. He was enjoying this new chance to torment Paladin Alexander Anderson. "And get penalized? I think not."

"Quit, ye demon!"

"No!"

It was then that Seras interrupted, "Excuse me, but if you don't want to play with us why don't you quit?"

"And let t'hem get away ith say'n God tis Dead! No Way! I'll drive de energy sword through de lot of t'hem!"

* * *

**Over on Red Team: **

Rip, had just grabbed the sniper rifle and scaled the nearby tower. She sighted in on Blue Team and could hardly believe it. They were all just standing there. Rip smiled as she quickly racked up three kills for her team and earned herself a double kill medal, a triple kill medal and three head shot medals.

* * *

**Back over on Blue Team:**

Alucard couldn't believe it. Der Kasper had just slaughtered the entire Blue Team. They were already three kills behind, and the game had just started. He mentally scolded himself for over indulging in his desire to torment the Catholic Priest and getting sidetracked. "Look, I'm not quitting. And,** I'm not losing**!"

"Bah! Den just stay out of me way, Demon!" Anderson started to rush the energy sword; while Alucard, defying all logic, picked up a pistol and switched to it. Seras was already on her way to the rocket launcher.

Anderson reached the sword room, but Catboy;3 had already secured it's prize. Fortunately for Anderson, the Catboy seemed to be either new to the game or a complete idiot. Instead of hiding around the corner with his Energy Sword and waiting for his prey to come to him, Catboy popped out from around the corner. Anderson chucked a grenade and began to back up.

The grenade exploded and took out half of Catboy's shields. However, Catboy still continued trying to charge through the hail of assault rifle fire. Whether newbie or noob, the suicidal strategy obviously failed, and Dust2Dust picked up the energy sword from the dead elite's body.

Anderson immediately switched back to his assault rifle, doing his best to keep the energy sword hidden for a nasty surprise. He walked out of the room and headed down the ramp only to take a sniper round in the chest.

* * *

**Red Team:**

Rip was still camped out on top of the sniper tower. She knew that Dust2Dust had just killed Schrodinger in the sword room, and Rip was waiting to snipe the blue teamer on his way out of the room. She saw him emerge and fired off a round. Unfortunately, it was quite a bit harder to get a head shot on a moving target. Instead of striking Dust2Dust's head and racking up another kill, Rip's round impacted the enemy's upper chest and only took his shields down. Rip inwardly swore, but comforted herself with the knowledge that her next round would do in the enemy.

However, Rip didn't get the opportunity to fire that round. While Rip was zoomed in and without her radar, PoliceGirl117 reached the tower, took the airlift up and blasted the Nazi sniper with a rocket.

* * *

**Blue Team:**

Alucard was quick to run over and grab the other pistol. Yes, once again defying logic, the No-Life King was actually duel wielding Magnum pistols as MaxMajor came at him with a Needler. However, Alucard had invested considerable time in practicing with the Magnums. He continually jumped to the left, circling MaxMajor and dodging most of the enemy's shots. While avoiding most of MaxMajor's fire, Alucard emptied both pistols into the enemy's head. The result? MaxMajor's body quickly fell to the floor in a puddle of its own blood, while Alucard's shields never drooped below two-thirds.

* * *

**Red Team:**

The Major angrily slammed his controller down on the ground. He couldn't believe it. He just gotten pwned by some douchebag who was duel-wielding Magnums. And what was worse, Rip was giggling. His own sniper was laughing at him. Well, he'd show her. He'd show them all. "Shut up!"

As Rip put her hand to her mouth and tried to contain her amusement, the Major respawned next to Schrodinger and ordered the Millennium junior officer to follow him. Now he would find this... this IMPaler and teach him a lesson.

The Major quickly found IMPaler again and charged. He hadn't picked up any new weapons and was simply using the assault rifle, but he didn't think that would matter. After all, it was two against one. _Yes, this will be easy. And since IMPaler is duel-wielding, he can't even throw grenades. While both I and Schrodinger... Oh, wait! Shit!_ Yes, the Major was so upset that he'd forgotten just how much of a grenade spaz Schrodinger was when the junior warrant officer didn't have a 'good' weapon.

The Major looked over at Schrodinger just in time to see the lad's finger start to pull the grenade trigger. "Schroeder, no!" But, it was to late. The grenades flew and took down all of the Major's shields. He was then quickly killed by IMPaler.

In a fit of rage, the Major pulled out his Luger and put three rounds into Schrodinger's head. While the warrant officer recovered, his game avatar was also killed off by IMPaler. Rip started laughing again, this time, so hard that her eyes teared up and she momentarily lost sight of her screen.

The Major yelled, "Shut up, bevor I shoot you too!"

Rip replied, "Du wouldn't. I'm der only one on der riege with kills." The Major just grinned.

* * *

**Blue Team**:

Anderson chuckled. It must have been his lucky day. He'd picked up the Active Camo and was crouch-walking up behind Der Kasper when Max Major respawned right next to her. _Two for one? Truly da Lord tis ith me!_ Anderson switched to his Energy Sword and ran both of the enemies through before they even noticed he was there. But as he rounded a corner, his invisibility faded, and he saw Catboy heading towards him.

Catboy was moving slowly, for he had ripped one of the turrets from it's perch and was carrying it with him. Genuinely, walking around with a turret was a bad idea. It slowed a player down far too much and made him a virtual sitting duck. But it had seemed to have payed off for the Catboy as he began to fire at Anderson.

The barrage of high caliber rounds quickly cut into the Paladin's shields, and Anderson knew that he was done for. Only a miracle could save him now. That Miracle came in the form of a Vampire fledgling who still had a rocket left in her launcher.

Seras fired at the wall next to the Catboy, and the resulting explosion sent the elite's body flying. Over Anderson's headset, Seras's voice chimed in. "That's two you owe me, Paladin."

Anderson smiled. "True, Lilith. I shall stick ye ith two less blessed bayonets de next time we meet."

Seras sardonically replied. "Oh, jolly. So, if I save you another twenty times does that mean I won't get stuck at all?" Neither Alucard nor Anderson could keep from laughing at that one. Seras grinned too and started heading to the rocket hall to secure some more ammo.

* * *

**Red Team:**

When the Major and Rip respawned, they decided to stick together until they could get some better guns. They were close to the Rocket hall, so that was where they headed. Neither of them were particularly good with the M41 Rocket Launcher, but it beat the assault rifles they started with. Besides, if they grabbed the Rocket Launcher, that would keep it out of the PoliceGirl's hands.

As the two Millennium Nazis entered the rocket hall, they saw said PoliceGirl already on her way to the launcher. The two Nazi's grinned at each other and opened fire on their enemy. PoliceGirl returned fire, but she was outnumbered and wasn't very good with the assault rifle. Her shields dropped as the two Nazis moved in for the kill.

It was then that Schrodinger came from around the corner and saw his chance for a little pay back. He started wildly chucking every grenade he had. The end result was that although he did kill the PoliceGirl, he also managed to stick both the Major and Rip.

The grenades exploded. Both Rip and the Major scowled at Schrodinger, who was quite pleased with himself for finally getting a kill. Schrodinger ran over, grabbed the rocket launcher and decided to teabag the PoliceGirl's dead body.

* * *

**Blue Team:**

Alucard had also been heading to the rocket hall. He could see that his Fledgling was in trouble and was trying to get to her before it was too late. Alas, Alucard was not quick enough. He entered the hall just as Catboy began to teabag Seras's dead body.

Seras made a grossed out face. "Ewwwww! That's disgusting."

Alucard, meanwhile, nearly blew his lid. He shouted at his screen. "You think you can teabag **my** fledgling?" Alucard dropped one of his magnums and tossed a single grenade into the corridor. Just as the explosive went off, draining the Catboy's shields, Alucard triple tapped his trigger and sent three rounds directly into the sick bastard's head. The Catboy was dead before he even knew what hit him.

After that, Alucard waited in the hall for a couple of seconds and guarded the rocket launcher until his fledgling could retrieve it.

* * *

Thus the game continued with the Red Team getting decimated by the Blue team until the final score was: Red Team 23. Blue Team 50.

On the Blue Team, the kills were divided pretty evenly. PoliceGirl117 had the lowest with 15 kills, but she also racked up the most assists out of her team. IMPaler led with 18 kills, closely followed by Dust2DustAmen who scored the remaining 17.

On the Red Team, the only one to really do well was Der Kasper who amassed 14 sniper kills and more assists than anyone else in the game. MaxMajor came in next with a total of 5 kills, using various weapons. Catboy;3 only got 4 kills, three of which where on opponents who's shields had already been taken out.

So it was, that Alucard and Seras were pleased. The Major was ticked off. Schrodinger was blissfully unaware of just how badly he had played. Anderson avenged God against the Heathen's blasphemous words and, for the first time in his life, actually managed to begrudgingly get along with a pair of vampires. And Rip? Well, although she was on the losing team, the raven haired sniper was quite content with the MVP award.

(Well, I hope you liked it. I think I worked harder on this chapter than any of the others in this story. The game scenes were really hard for me to write. I haven't bothered to actually play Halo 3 in about three months. LoL. And I never was really a 'Halo Fanatic'. Well, anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Please review. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)

(To Lance: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you enjoyed the first four chapter and thought the story was "Awesome". I'm also pleased that you got a kick out of all the video game references. Although, I can't take credit for the Castlevania one. That was actually suggested by Matoska. Anyway, thanks again. I hope you liked this chapter as much as the other four.)

PS. Thanks to The Layman for suggesting the new title for this chapter. :)


	6. The Mall

**The Mall  
**

**AN: **This new chapter has been added in honor of the release of Halo 3: ODST. And before you ask, no... I haven't played it... yet. But I saw an Angry Joe video about a guy who came to pick up his pre-order and that got me thinking.

* * *

It was an hour past midnight when Seras reached the mall's main entrance. She tried the double doors only to find them locked. Of course, that mattered little. With a slam of her shoulder, the metal locking bar snapped, and the doors were only to happy to part for her. Slowly, carefully the young vampire stepped inside, knowing that the locked doors were the least dangerous obstacle she would be facing.

The inside of the mall was dark and messy. Tipped over stands, shattered glass display windows and the various items scattered across the floor told the tale of the horrors the place had earlier played host to. Of course, The blood stains and trails added their own grotesque images to the scene.

Seras shuttered as she noticed that some of the trails were left by human fingers, the poor, helpless victims having been dragged, kicking and screaming to their ultimate demise. No, not their ultimate demise- the fledgling realized and shuttered again -she was the one to bring them that fate. The ghouls who'd feasted on them earlier had only given them their first taste of death, and she was there to bring them their main course. But, wasn't that better- the release of death over continued (un)life as a ghoul? Sometimes she wondered. Of course such questions ended, as they always did, with the thought that it didn't matter.

If allowed to continue in their unlife, the ghouls would spread their infection, harming more innocents. They had to be put down. It was the only way to protect the rest of London's population. And perhaps, just maybe, when she eventually crossed the final threshold of death herself, the spirits of those poor, unfortunate ghouls she was charged with putting down, would thank her for it.

Seras's mind snapped back to the 'here and now' as she heard the light rustle of shifting clothes coming from her left. Something was moving over there; and, quickly unslinging her BAERLKS rifle, the young vamp turned to drive a single round into the head of a lunging ghoul. The resulting pile of dust fell just short of her black boots.

Normally, the fledgling favored her Harkonnen. However, the large explosions it created and the need to reload after each shot were not ideally suited to this kind of mission. This was not a stand off between two heavily armed forces. No, it was an extermination mission, where her targets could be hiding anywhere. Firing the Harkonnen at close range was extremely dangerous, do to the shell's blast radius; and since it was completely possible that ghouls would come at her from multiple directions at once, reloading after each shot was unacceptable. So, Seras was using her BAERLKS rifle instead. It was more efficient for the clean up operation, and she had to be efficient.

The previous night her and her master had missed one of the ghouls; and, since the vampire that created it had been an 'artificial' one, the ghoul survived its sire's passing. That was why she was in the mall now. Somehow, most likely through the underground sewer system, the surviving ghoul had made its way to the mall; and, as the sun set, it had come out from wherever it was hiding and begun spreading its infection.

That was why she had to be efficient. That was why not even one ghoul could be left alive this time. And that was also why her master, splitting himself into dozens of TRUE vampire bats, had set up a perimeter around the mall.

The powerful, No-Life King had seemed rather embarrassed that he'd missed a ghoul during their last mission, and this time both true vampires were doing everything in their power to insure that nothing slipped by them. Integra would be furious if it did; and more importantly, to Seras at least, more innocent lives would be placed in danger.

So, the young vampire continued on through the mall, carefully sweeping each store and making sure that no undead creature escaped her hail of blessed silver bullets. It was slow, sometimes even tedious work; but, like a good soldier, Seras kept her focus on the task at hand. That was, until she heard the sound of a twelve gage shotgun firing.

Then the fledgling paused and turned down another path in the mall. At the end of that path was a large sporting goods store, and Seras quickly determined that that was where the sound had come from. A sporting goods store meant guns and ammo; and, in a mall completely overrun by ghouls, that meant trouble... trouble in the form of armed zombies who could swarm and overpower a young fledgling, if given the chance. Firmly gripping her rifle, Seras decided not to give them that chance.

The undead, former police officer ran to the sporting goods store; however, upon reaching it, she found quite a surprise. There was the sound of another shotgun blast, and a dismembered ghoul head came spiraling over one of the aisle dividers, congealed blood dripping from the monster's open neck. The detached head flew right over Seras's own, and the female vampire found herself momentarily stunned.

What was going on? Were the ghoul's fighting each other? Was such a thing even possible? Or perhaps it was another... 'silencer'. Could the Iscariots be involved, or maybe a freelancer?

Seras soon recovered from her stunned state and quickly decided that there was only one way to find out. However, as she leapt over the aisle divider and dropped to the other side, the vampire was surprised to find that the one blowing ghoul's heads off was none of the people she expected- indeed it was not someone she _ever_ would've suspected.

It... It simply wasn't possible. It... It just couldn't be, could it? The man was taller than her. His armor was metal and a familiar shade of dark green. And, as he turned, Seras found herself face to 'face' with a very distinctive helmet- one she knew all too well from her gaming sessions with her Master. "Y-Y-You're..."- the girl gulped -"You're Mas-Master Chie..."

However before Seras could finish her statement, the figure, which had filled her with more shocked awe than any one had since Cheddar, ran up and pulled her into a rather undignified hug. "Oh, thank you... thank you! I thought I was going to die in here. B-But your unit has everything under control, right? RIGHT? PLEASE tell me you've got everything under control!"

The voice, although not overly geeky, was more than a few degrees higher pitched than the one Seras remembered from her Halo playing; and that plus the fact that this person (whoever he was) was clearly terrified- a very un-video-game-hero thing to be -was enough to break the spell that had come over Seras. Clearly, this was _not_ Master Chief. But that raised, what Seras considered, to be a rather interesting question. "Who are you... and where did you get that Spartan armor?" the vampire asked as she pried the armor-plated arms out from around her.

The young, and nearly hysterical man, of course, took a moment to recover and calm down before he was able to answer, "Name's Seth."

"And the Spartan armor?" Seras repeated her earlier question, a single eyebrow arched upwards.

"Oh, this?" Seth replied motioning to his green, metal chest piece. "ODST came out tonight at midnight, and I thought it'd be cool to show up in my costume. You know, show it off a little. I had to work all summer to pay for this thing. It's custom built by professional..." the man's voiced trailed off as he took notice of his suit for the first time since his current 'nightmare' had begun.

"Bloody Hell!" he exclaimed. The armor was dented in many places and although it had actually been strong enough to keep the ghouls from gnawing through it and reaching his flesh, their attempts had left deep teeth marks. "It's ruined. I-I can't go to conventions like this... the armor looks like it's been mangled by a thresher maw! Well, that's just great- an entire summer... wasted!"

Seras was surprised by the man's reaction. She figured that he should've just been grateful the suit had been strong enough to keep him from getting eaten... _and_ worse. But then, he was most likely suffering from extreme stress, and she guessed that focusing on something so trivial was a coping mechanism. And if that was the case, she figured why not help him while getting a little more information?

"So... what's ODST?"

The man's helmet turned back to the young vampire. "Halo 3: ODST... It's kind of like Halo 3, point five. It's got a new campaign, some new characters and a slew of new multi-player maps. I reserved my copy at E.B. Games six months ago." The man huffed. "'Course, at the time, I had no idea the mall would go all 'Dead Rising' on me when I came to pick it up," he continued sardonically. "Just lucky I was able to keep my head enough to get in hear, smash the gun case, grab a shotgun and some ammo and hunker down until someone came to pull me out of this mess," he mused, and then his mind finally seemed to snap back to the current situation.

"You bobbies _have_ come to take care of this mess... haven't you?"

Seras smiled. "Well, I'm not exactly a bobby these days," she replied and pointed to the Hellsing crest on her uniform. "But yes, I've come to handle the ghouls."

"The what?"

"Zombies."

"Oh..."

"Come on, let's get you out of here."

The helmet bobbed up and down in an obvious nodding gesture. However, as the man began to follow Seras, he suddenly seemed to remember something. "Wait, my game? With everything that happened, I forgot to pick up my pre-order."

Okay, coping mechanism or not, that had to be one of the all time looniest things Seras had ever heard. Here this guy had just survived a ghoul attack, and rather than wanting to get out of the place as quickly as possible, he was worried about some stupid game. There were times when she just didn't get men. Still, men were men... and she knew of another loony who might just be as interested in this ODST as her current charge was. "Okay, fine," the girl replied and let out a sigh. "We'll head to this E.B. Games... but you are to stay behind me at all times." The young vampire paused for a brief moment before continuing, "And for the love of all that his good and holy, watch your aim with that shotgun. The last thing I need is for some over eager kid to blow a hole in my back."

Once again, the 'Spartan' nodded; and the two proceeded to fight their way to the game store. Once there, they each grabbed a copy of the new Halo 3 game, neither one bothering to pay since... well, the ghoul who was crouching behind the counter didn't seem all that concerned about money, and he was even less interested after Seras's BAERLKS turned him to dust.

Having obtained their 'quest items' Seras and the man then headed for the nearest exit. She left him there and thought to her master, informing him that the 'Spartan' running out of the mall was in fact still human and should be left alone. Then the fledgling tucked her copy of ODST into the ammo pack on her back and returned to her clean up operation. She'd surprise her master with the new game tomorrow night, after she'd gotten a decent days sleep and rested up from their current mission.

* * *

(Well, what did you think of the new chapter? I hope you all enjoyed it.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	7. Risk Factions

**Risk Factions**

**AN: **Yeah, I _thought_ I was all done with this fic. Buuuut I've just been having so much fun playing Risk Factions with some of my online friends, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if the Hellsing crew started up their own game of it. So, I guess this fic is going to get one more chapter after all. :p I hope you all like it as much as the previous ones. ;)

**PS.** Please forgive me for ignoring the four player control limitation the Xbox 360 places on couch multiplayer. Thanks. :)

* * *

It was a quiet night. It seemed that, for once, the dead were actually staying in their graves... well, most of them anyway. Alucard and Seras were up and about of course, but that wasn't anything Pip Bernnadotte had to worry about. On the contrary, he was rather pleased that at least one of these corpses refused to stay in her coffin. In fact, he was presently engaged in the process of seeking said vampire out. No undead to slay meant that Pip essentially had the night off, and he couldn't think of a better way to spend it than getting to know the cute, ridiculous strong vampire a little better.

There last meeting had not gone so well, with Pip getting finger flicked around the room. Upon consideration, the mercenary figured that trying to cop a feel on the young, well endowed vampire probably hadn't been the best way to introduce himself. But then no one had ever accused Pip Bernnadotte of making a good first impression, and he'd recovered from worse in the past. The task now was to locate the pretty girl, find a way to work… or charm off that negative first impression, and hopefully start to build a little something between the two of them.

It took Pip longer than he'd expected to find Seras. She was not in her room, the training area or any of the other places he'd guessed she'd be. No, he didn't find her until he decided to cut through the mansion's main living area – an odd place to find someone who was technically dead, no?

Seras, as well as, Alucard, Integra and Walter were all gathered together in front of the mansion's 42", HD, LCD television; and to the mercenary captain, that seemed downright strange. He hadn't been in Integra's employ for very long – just over a week – but even that was enough time for him to tell that his boss wasn't a woman given to socializing. She worked, trained, gave orders and occasionally spent time in the company of her red-clad killer or family butler. Once, Pip had seen her talking with Seras, though he had been too far away to overhear the content of their discussion. But, in each of these cases, Integra spent her time with one 'person' at a time, and from what Pip had observed Alucard was pretty much the same way. Seeing the two of them gathered together in a group setting was… 'novel' – to say the least. What were they all up to?

"Random or manual placement?" Seras asked.

"Random," Alucard replied, "makes the game more interesting."

"Alright, how about the map?"

"I like Limbo," Alucard responded.

"Not again," Integra countered.

"Big Ice then?" Walter suggested.

Integra paused for a moment and seemed to be considering it. "Alright," she finally replied.

"What are you all doing?" Pip asked as he entered the room.

"Risk Factions," Integra answered simply, as if that explanation alone should've been sufficient for the merc.

"Risk Factions?" Pip questioned with a raised eyebrow. He'd heard of the board game Risk before, even a couple of variations on it – like the Lord of the Rings one. But he wasn't familiar with this 'Factions' game, and he'd never seen one played on a TV instead of a board before.

"It's an updated, video game version of the classic board game… with a lot of new things added in, including five different races – 'factions – you can play as. Hence the name," Seras explained helpfully. Perhaps she wasn't as upset at the merc as he'd thought?

"Oh," Pip responded, getting the jest of what Seras had said, even if he still wasn't completely clear on all the details. "Well… anyone mind if I join in?"

Everyone exchanged uncertain glances, all eyes eventually coming to rest on Integra. "Well, there are five factions and only four of us. I suppose we have got room for one more."

"You're taking the yetis though," Alucard added in, making it clear that none of the 'regulars' were willing to part with their usual faction.

Pip didn't seem to mind as he squeezed himself in between Seras and the arm of the couch. In fact the corner of his lip unintentionally curled upwards, though that probably had little to do with the game.

The game started, and it was time for everyone to place their capitols. The Xbox 360 had determined that Alucard would go first, and thus the ancient vampire dropped his capitol in the Bone Yard territory of Skullshire. The continent was worth two additional troops if he could take control of all of it. That wasn't bad for Big Ice, but there were other continents worth as much and one worth more. However the number of troops it would yield was not the only reason Alucard had selected it. No, it was more valuable than that. Taking over all of Skullshire was one of the maps randomly generated objectives. Also, Skullshire was close to Von's Temple, and the long time strategist had his eyes on that powerful prize.

Integra went next, and she chose to place her capitol in Darkhill. She would've preferred a more tactically secure location. Next Gen Bay was the largest continent on the map, and Integra highly doubted that she could take – and hold – the whole thing. But Darkhill was the territory the game had placed the highest number of her troops in. She'd try to hold that territory and concentrate her assaults on Death's Door, across the sea. That continent was worth two additional troops, and it only had four territories – one of which Integra already possessed. Plus, once Death's Door was in her hands, she had a foot hold from which to challenge her pet for control of Von's Temple.

Walter was the next to place his capitol, and the butler selected Kattepus. It was out of the way and easily defendable, especially if he could complete the entire Silvestris continent – of which he only lacked one territory. And as an added bonus, Silvestris housed one of the dam controls.

Seras went next, and by now her prospects weren't looking too good. Most of the choice areas had already been selected… or were so far away from the bulk of her forces that she knew she couldn't hold them. In fact the only halfway decent continent where she had a formidable presence, that she thought she could hold onto until her turn came around, was Kotka. It was a valuable continent, being worth an objective plus two troops and housing the mineral deposits. But the presence of the dam up above made it a risky place to make one's home base. Even still, it was the best out of a bad set of options, so Seras chose the Rufus territory of the Kotka continent as her capitol.

Then it came time for the last player to place his capitol, and it seemed that the game had smiled on the new guy. Pip's 'beginner's luck' granted him Warpaw. It was the smallest continent, consisting of only two territories, but it was still worth two additional troops if he could hold it. Also, it was the easiest continent to defend, forming a one territory bottle neck in which one could marshal one's forces in preparation for attack or bunker them down to hold against the enemy. It was the 'England' of the Big Ice map, and it was all his… for the moment anyway. Pip dropped his capitol in Panthera, the northern most territory of Warpaw's two territories.

With the capitols placed it was now time for the game proper to begin. Alucard used his first turn to take over another territory in Skullshire, seven of his undead zombies massacring the two yetis defending the land. Then, being careful not to spread himself too thin, the No-Life King stopped his advance. He used his final movement to split his soldiers as evenly as possible between his territories and then collected his card.

"Playing it cautious, Alucard? That's not like you," Integra commented.

"If there's one thing I've learned in my five centuries of life, Master, it's to be patient. I'll strike hard when I'm ready," the red-clad killer replied.

Integra went all out on her first attack. She placed all her reinforcements in her capital and used it as a jumping off point to invade Death's Door. Five new human troops were added to the seven already present, and the lady knight used every last one she could in her assault. The two kitty-cat commandos guarding Wretchchell were the first to go. Then Integra's army moved on to decimate the single zombie holding the Bog Steps territory. And finally they took Guttum from the three robots stationed there. Integra had conquered Death's Door, but the victory had not come easily. She only had two spare troops left, which she used her final movement to bring back to her capital.

"And _that _is how you do it," the lady knight informed

"Careful, Master, keep waging war like that and you'll over extend yourself," Alucard warned.

"Will I?" Integra questioned in a coy tone.

It was Walter's turn now and the first thing his machines did was wrangle Chutcha out of the cold, dead hands of the three zombies who had it. Then, to everyone's surprise he stopped short of attacking the humans stationed at Chicata. Instead he took the five robots the game had randomly placed in Hissying and moved them first up to Korat and then down to take possession of Birman. Once that was finished, the elderly butler used his final movement to divide the machines remaining in Chutcha between that territory and Sire.

"Y-you… you're planning on opening the damn and drowning my kittens?" Seras exclaimed.

Walter said nothing in reply.

"Well… you're not going to get away with it," the fledgling asserted

"We'll see," the butler replied calmly.

Rather than strengthen her hold on Kotka, like she'd been planning on, Seras dumped her five reinforcements into Catling – adding them to the three she'd started with - and pushed northward. She couldn't let Walter keep control of both sides of the damn. She had to take Birman. But the opposition she faced was tougher than expected, and the dice rolls were against her. The fledgling vampire's cat army managed to take Dewclaw, but Walter's robots held at Birman.

"Grrrrr, that's not fair. I had you outnumbered nearly two-to-one!" Seras fumed.

"All's fair and love and war, Officer Victoria," Walter replied.

Now, it was Pip's turn to go. He cashed in his two starting stars and added seven reinforcements to the yetis in Papillae and headed south. His smiling, harry, white giants hit the robot holding Korat with a volley of snowballs. Then they continued on to freeze one of the machines in Birman and impale the other on an icicle. But though they could've continued, Pip's forces stopped short of attacking the single kitten commando Seras still had in Dewclaw. Instead, the mercenary captain used his final movement to pull the bulk of his yetis out of Birman and move them back into Korat.

Seras eyed the merc. "Why'd you stop?"

He shrugged. "I got what I wanted. And like your master said, it's best not to over extend yourself."

That didn't make any sense. If he wasn't going to continue, he should've stopped when he took Korat. He'd already secured his card; there was no tactical reason for him to go after Birman. He didn't have a single troop in the Kotka continent. It wouldn't have harmed him if the place was flooded. Was he… was he being chivalrous? Suddenly the vampire's lips pulled into a small smile. Perhaps the Frenchman wasn't as bad as she'd thought?

* * *

The game was winding down now, and Integra was not pleased. She knew allowing that French mercenary to join wasn't a good idea. Why hadn't she just said no? The Frenchman and Seras had entered into an unspoken alliance early on, with them occasionally attacking each other but never in any territory that was overly important to the other player. And while Integra and Alucard had been locked in a bloody war for control of the islands, the crypts, and Von's temple, Seras and her unofficial ally had squeezed Walter out of the game.

The fledgling now controlled both the butler's capitol and all of Kotka – netting her two of the three objectives she needed to win. And on her last turn Seras had used her final movement to redeploy what troops she could into Tigercat. The strawberry-blonde was mining minerals, and once she stockpiled twelve of them she'd have that third objective.

Pip might have had enough yetis in the area to block Seras's plan by taking the two mineral deposits on Kotka out of the kitten's claws. But Integra highly doubted the Frenchman would do that. He seemed more concerned with making nice with the bosomy vamp than actually winning the game – the fool! No, Integra could not count on the merc to make the smart move, and that meant she only had one option if she was to have a chance at winning the game. It would take Seras at least two full turns to mine the minerals she needed to win, so Integra had that long to add two more objectives to the one she currently possessed.

The lady knight cashed in the stars she'd been accumulating since the beginning of the game, bolstering her reinforcements by an additional thirty troops, and set about taking over all that remained of Next Gen Bay in a single turn. It was a dicey move, but if she could pull it off, her conquest would gain her one objective this turn. And if she could then hold eighteen, of the twenty total, territories she'd possess, that would gain her that third objective.

Integra attacked relentlessly, but she was careful to leave at least three troops in each new territory she took. After all, she could afford to lose two territories before her next turn – perhaps four since she could likely wrangle one or two back on her next turn – but no more. And the Master of Monster's strategy seemed to have paid off. When her turn was over she owned all of Next Gen Bay… as well as a rather smug smile.

But the game wasn't over yet. On Alucard's next turn, the monster did something quite unexpected. Having held the three alter territories around Von's Temple for a full turn, the ancient vampire used his 'convert ability' on the troop stationed in Integra's capitol.

"What are you doing?" the lady knight asked in a puzzled tone. She'd only left the one troop in her capital, having set up sufficient buffers to stop invading armies before they could've reached it. Even if her servant dumped all his reinforcements into her capitol, he wouldn't be able to hold it come her turn, not once her own reinforcements were added to the troops currently encircling the territory.

"You'll see," Alucard replied cryptically as he bolstered his forces in the Vile Forest territory and sailed them north to attack Integra's soldiers in Gutter's Corner. Despite the efforts of a rather incredible, shotgun wielding human, Alucard's larger, zombie army managed to wrestle the territory from Integra. Then with a grin, the wily general ended his turn and used his recently obtained third crypt to freeze Integra's converted capitol.

The lady knight was furious – more at herself for not anticipating her pet's strategy than him for exploiting her weakness, though he was the one who bore the consequences of her rage. "Cheating Bastard!" Integra roared as she pulled out the small pistol she carried with her at all times and blew the irritating grin off Alucard's face.

Seras and Pip both jumped at the unexpected sound of the gunshot. Alucard, merely laughed manically as the shadowy mass of his true form repaired the damage his master had done. He did so love to get under her skin and raise her ire.

Integra spent her next turn taking Gutter's Corner back from her 'pet' and breaking his hold over the Fire Alter territory, but even she recognized such actions were ultimately futile. She had nineteen territories again, one more than she needed for her third objective. But with her capitol frozen, she couldn't win this turn, and Seras only needed one more turn to mine enough minerals to gain her third objective.

Sure enough, as Seras's turn began, her hard working kitty-cats mined the remaining minerals she needed. Already having secured her third objective and still in possession of her capitol, Seras didn't bother attacking anyone on her turn. She simply placed her reinforcements and then skipped to the 'reward's phase'.

And that was how Seras won her first game of Risk Factions, and Pip 'worked off' that negative first impression he'd given her.

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed. Please drop me a review and let me know what you thought. Thanks. ;) Oh, and to anyone who's also reading Integra's Batty Vacation, I'm afraid I probably won't be able to update that next weekend as planned. I've recently ordered some new RAM chips, a new Hard Drive and the new Windows 7 operating system; and once all the parts come in, I'll probably be spending my next weekend overhauling and updating my laptop. Sorry about the delay. :( But I should make to following IBV update time. :)

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

To Pyradeath01: Thanks for the review and the compliment about my writing skills. :D I'm glad you had fun with this story and got such a kick out of it, the fifth chapter especially.

To Alucardistehvampire: Thanks! I'm glad I could make you laugh, and I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story as much as those first three chapters. ;)


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